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Missing Beauty
Leayah

You watch yourself in the mirror. Turning left to right, observing each angle. The reflection makes you feel ill. You hate what you see. The girl staring back at you is a monster in your eyes. From head to toe the image seems repulsing. You feel fat. You tell yourself you weigh too much. You think you’re bigger than you actually are.

            Are you blind? You weigh eighty pounds. You are five foot six inches. Your ribs are showing! And yet you continue…you continue to stick your finger down your throat. Puking up what’s left inside you. A yellow liquid is all that’s left. You puke it up. You’re empty. You’ve always been empty. You haven’t eaten all day and yet you force yourself to vomit. Your stomach growls and you ignore it. Your insides are feeding off each other, eating away at nothing. Please just eat something…anything. Keep it down.

            Your throat is dried and burning. You taste the remainder of what you just threw up. Is it satisfying?

            You start to sob. You want to be perfect, to look good. You want people to like you, to be accepted.  You want to be skinny, but you’ve gone to far. You want to be beautiful, but honey you threw your beauty away.



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